Who is defining your success?
“Do you define success or does it define you?”
This is one of the questions that Rachael let fly as we discussed things that spark us. We were wrestling with the fact that how we define success has a huge impact on how we live our lives. The conversations felt energetic and zesty. Rachael pointed out that a healthy definition of success can be a great way to track growth and help hold yourself accountable OR it can be a measuring stick used to beat yourself up.
I was feeling confident that I had both created my own measure of success and that I only used my own stick to measure! But every time we talked, I walked away with a sense that something was missing. Finally I stopped and asked, “Am I really being transparent and honest with myself?” That question brought me up short, and, as I sank into it, I was hit with this fact: I regularly pick up other people’s measuring sticks and beat myself with them in frustration since I don’t measure up to their definition of success.
Ouch! What a painful realization. I had put the time and energy into defining my own measure of success. However, I was surprised and ashamed to discover that it wasn’t the stick I regularly measured myself against. I hadn’t even noticed that I was picking up all these other rulers and beating myself with them!
I find myself worrying that I’m not fit enough (whack!), I’m too distracted (whack!), I’m not accomplishing enough (whack!), or I’m not making enough money (whack!). At the end of the day, when using other people’s success sticks, I’m covered in bruises and feel like a failure (and I don’t like it!). This embarrassing revelation made me want to explore how I could put those sticks down and instead use my own, custom made measure that doesn’t leave painful bruises.
So, how am I going to put down other people’s sticks and replace them with my own measure of success? Two things:
Become aware of when and how I use the measuring stick of other’s success to beat myself up.
Clearly define my own measure of success.
Journey Prompt: An invitation to Awareness
Become aware of when you are using someone else’s measure of success.
When you declare yourself to be a failure, is it because you’re measuring against someone else’s stick?
How would it feel to begin gently laying down the expectations of others?
What would it look like to begin the process of defining your own success?
How are you defining success right now?
How much of that definition is your own versus someone else’s?
Wave a magic wand, tomorrow you magically measure success using your own measuring stick and no one else’s.
What does that look like?
What does it feel like?
How is it different from what you experience now?
